Let’s Flip the Script on Period Sex
I’ve wanted to write this for a while. Like many things involving heterosexual sex, things get framed from the perspective of how men feel about it.
How do men feel about body hair? How do men feel about sex on the first date? How do men feel about period sex?
I’m going to deal with the last one.
What we really need to be asking is How Do Women Feel About Period Sex?
Like everything that has to do with the cycle, no two are the same. No two women or menstruating people have the same experience with their cycle, and especially when it come to their period. And there are similarities across the board. Most women feel more sensitive physically, energetically, and emotionally. Most women have a few days of their bleeding time that are harder than others. Most women feel on some level that less human contact and more rest is better. Most women have increased pelvic and vaginal sensitivity during menstruation. A different type of increased sensitivity than what occurs during the fertile window. This doesn’t mean desire and sexual arousal don’t exist or happen in this phase. It just may show up differently. It may not be present until day three or four once the heavy bleeding and cramps stop and hormones start a slow slow rise from their low point of the first few days. It may be more responsive, as in being with your partner and receiving their affection or touch starts to turn you on.
Everything comes back to becoming familiar with how your cycle is. How do you feel in each phase? How do things show up for you?
When it comes to period sex, the main question is what feels right for you?
It may change between cycles. It may change between partners or at different stages of a relationship. The main thing to remember is this is your body, your period, and your sensitivity. After a recent class I taught during the q&a, a woman shared that for her, her period is a time about her, and that sex with her husband during that phase is a time for her pleasure. She personally doesn’t want penetrative sex during that time of her cycle, but she wonderfully reminded us there are other ways for her husband to help her feel pleasure and orgasm. Another friend told me about once a year if her husband cleans the shower she’s down to have sex on her period in said clean shower. Amazing responses.
Some things to think about:
The first few days of your period may feel very different from your last few days ie cramps, heavier bleeding, pelvic sensitivity, and your emotional experience. It’s also going to be more bloody the heavier your flow is. If you are going to have intercourse, put a towel down, have a towel handy to clean up any blood. And be aware that will be part of it.
Menstruation- especially the first two-three days- is ideally a time where our energy and physical body stays with ourselves. There are other ways to connect and feel pleasure that don't involve penetration if that doesn't feel right.
You may feel more vulnerable physically, energetically & emotionally in general but especially during physical intimacy.
There will be blood. Stimulation to the cervix & uterus can increase blood flow.
Orgasm helps cramps by releasing cortisol in the body and tension in the uterus through a strong contraction(s).
There is no right or wrong answer to the question of how do you feel about period sex. My aim is always to encourage women to think about what they feel comfortable with, what feels good to them, instead of framing it in terms of what others feel comfortable with.
It’s a conversation.
Of course your partner's feelings and view point matter. Everyone should feel free and comfortable with whatever you are doing. I know that the more comfortable we are with our body and with our period, the more comfortable we are having these types of conversations with partners.
In my personal experience, maybe because of how sensitive I am in general, and how extra sensitive I am on my period, I don’t consider period sex to be something I want to do with someone I’m not in a solid relation with. For me there has to be a level of trust and comfort as it’s more intimate, and has added elements to it for both people. Also the first days of my period I want to be in sweats with myself and a hot water bottle. I don’t feel sexy at all. I don’t believe we are necessarily meant to.
How much time do you give yourself to just be with your own energy? In general but also if you are in a physically intimate relationship?
Menstruation is a time of downward moving energy. The body is literally cleansing the last month by moving the lining of the uterus out of the body through the vagina. At what point in this process do you want to put someone else’s body part up there? That’s an important consideration.
And there is nothing dirty, taboo, or bad about your period or about sex on your period. It’s all about what feels comfortable for you and also for your partner.