It Starts with Girls
*For the purpose of not having to repeat the same sentence over and over, please know that when I say girls or women in relation to menstruation, I also mean all people who menstruate regardless of gender orientation. I’m not an expert on non-binary people who menstruate, or trans men who still menstruate. I hope one day to be much more educated in this area. What I know about is girls and women. So while I’ll be focusing on that for the foreseeable future, I am always including those who do menstruate and want a healthy relationship with that who don’t fit into the girl or woman gender category.
Over the decade that I've been working and studying in the field of women's health, food, nutrition, and SelfCare, I've always been most passionate about the menstrual cycle.
From the beginning it was incredibly clear to me that girls ( and all menstruating people*) being educated about, and understanding of how their bodies work was the key to women not only having a very different relationship and experience with their cycle and periods, but to being more empowered in themselves and in intimate relationships.
Girls who are connected to and educated about their bodies become more empowered women, who pass on a very different message to their children, god-children, nieces, nephews, or chosen children.
Unfortunately it is very rare that girls are taught medically accurate, unbiased, non-shame ridden information about what their period is, what the monthly cycle is, how to take care of it, and how to relate to it in a healthy, calm, simple way. Many women grow up disconnected from their cycles, many with deep, sometimes subconscious shame and confusion about what their body is doing. In many cases, this is what gets passed- usually unconsciously - to daughters and/or menstruating young people from their mothers. The menstrual cycle is the most natural, basic rhythm, that while it may never be total bliss, let's be honest, doesn't have to be horrible, and is definitely not any cause for shame, feeling that we are gross, or hiding what is happening. By being open and accurate about what it is, we change the culture around it. One personal relationship at a time.
There is a lot that is wrong with how our culture handles and relates to menstruation. It’s a huge part of why hormonal birth control is pushed on teen girls for everything from acne, cramps, irregular periods, heavy periods, and depression. Many teenage girls who are given the birth control pill are not sexually active, and are not given it for that reason. It’s given as a remedy for difficult periods. For me these are symptoms of the larger issue. A main one being we see our periods and the cycle in general as something to keep quiet, keep hidden, and subdue. It’s a tricky continuous system that men and women and the patriarchy are all wrapped up in together. We contribute to it. We believe what we are taught and we internalize and perpetuate that way of thinking and acting. I’m not advocating for girls to announce over a loud speaker that they have started menstruating. It is a very personal moment and can be confusing and have a lot of mixed thoughts and emotions, for the young person and their parents or guardians. What I am advocating for is for adults to treat it as a natural, beautiful, worthy milestone and occurrence, so our young people don’t take on the body shame and confusion of previous generations.
The first thing about menarche- the onset of menstruation- is that almost every reason doctors and school nurses offer teenage girls the birth control pill is natural in the first years a girl is menstruating.
It’s normal for it to take a few years for the cycle to become regular and occur every month. It’s natural for there to be heavier and lighter bleeds. It’s natural for severe cramps to be part of the picture. It’s natural for teenagers to get acne. And it’s also true that a girl doesn’t start ovulating for a few years. It is also true that you are not menstruating, ovulating, or having any cycle on the pill. The 7 days of bleeding is called break through bleeding, and is due to the absence of hormones. Imagine a young person has been menstruating for two or four years. Their cycle is either still in the midst of regulating itself or has just regulated, maybe she has just started having ovulatory cycles. And then she is given the pill for her cramps and her skin issues. She is on the pill for the next nine years. Her cycle has effectively been stopped right at the point it was reaching an equilibrium.
A teenage girl will have also have heavier cramps, more acne, and a worse experience with her period depending on her diet, especially how much sugar, dairy, alcohol, and highly processed food she eats, and depending on how she and her family around her relate to her period.
If you’ve read my writing before, you will know I 100% support hormonal birth control and contraception being available. I do not however believe it is the best first go-to for teens. What are we teaching young girls by giving them a pill, especially without full disclosure and accurate information about what it is doing to the body and the long term side effects? Suppressing the menstrual cycle in females of all ages leads to more reproductive issues, as well as increased anxiety and depression because we are essentially flatlined in our natural emotional cycle when we don’t cycle. If a girl comes with painful periods, acne, and depression, why are we not first asking her questions about her diet and lifestyle and home life? About her school work load and if she has any time to rest and have fun? Why are we not creating a space for teens to talk openly about the pressures they face and the things they struggle with? Why are we not creating a space for girls to learn that their bodies are not shameful, that the changes in their bodies and desires they may be having are not negative, that it isn’t their sole responsibility to prevent pregnancy, and that it’s ok to rest and take care of their cycles and periods?
Of course I understand it is easier to just give someone, or to just take a pill. The other path requires a lot of education, time, and care. I imagine school nurses are hugely underpaid and under appreciated. And not every girl wants or has the time to learn all about her body and how to take care of it. And. I think young girls and young people in general deserve a lot more credit than we give them. I know two 15 year old girls who are two of the most insightful, aware, deep thinkers I know of any age group. They want to be listened to. They want to learn, and they are aware of all the fucked up things happening around them. Same goes for boys and young men. If we create the space for them to also be vulnerable and understand their role in this whole sex and reproductive conversation, I think the culture can change.
We put a lot of pressure and expectation on this young progressive generation. In many settings we say, They are the future, they are going to save the world. But the thing is, they need a world to save. They aren’t voting yet and are still having their mom’s drive them around. It is still very much our responsibility to create the spaces and culture for the younger generations to learn things differently than we did. It is very much the responsibility of health care practitioners to give full, medically accurate disclosure about how the different methods affect the body and system on all levels. And if hormonal birth control or the pill is still the best option, which it is for many people, then education and support on how to best take care of themselves while they are on it should be part of the program.
All people deserve honesty and accurate information. Maybe we need to find different words for different people, but the essence of giving someone the information they need to make informed decisions about their life and body is something that should be the base line across all lines of age, ethnicity, or gender.
